As I enter the 45th year of my life this week, I feel really grown-up.
And what exactly being a grown-up means? To me or to anyone else?
Well, as a kid it meant being able to do whatever I wanted. But it was only when I started college, or rather working, that I realised growing up meant freedom with responsibilities. But there is fun, joy and satisfaction in fulfilling those responsibilities.
But I was not as enlightened as I am sounding today.
After reaching the milestone age of 40 (earlier I used to scoff at this idea but now I feel that there is something special about turning 40), I felt the need to be able to do “my own thing” as well.
And the primary desire was to not always be there just for others, but for myself as well.
That was also the time when I had started regaining my health after a horrendous couple of years in extreme pain and discomfort. I have had rheumatoid arthritis since my early 20s though it was officially diagnosed more than a decade later. My grandmother had severe arthritis and we all knew what it looked like. It also made us complacent about consulting a doctor. Because we assumed that pain was something we would have to endure always because rheumatoid arthritis is non-curable.
How grossly wrong I was.
Yes, it is a chronic disease but there are ways and means of managing the pain and discomfort through medication and lifestyle changes. If you or someone you know is going through this, please reach out to a doctor and get help. I see too many people around making the same mistake as me because pain management is a relatively new concept.
Also, we Indians revel in suffering because we take that to be our karma. Well, you need not suffer pain just so that you don’t have to face your sins on the Day of Judgement. For me, I would prefer a pain-free life now than in my afterlife.
As I was saying, after turning 40 I wanted to just be myself. And let me tell you it was not at all easy. Because I had always prioritised my family, it was difficult even for them to accept the change in my approach. Four years hence I can say that I am in a good place where I get to do most of the things I want.
But do I regret not living for myself all those years?
No. Because I was still living a life for myself because it was my choice.
It was I who chose to quit a great job in Delhi and move back to Bokaro.
It was I who chose not to work and take care of my kids instead.
It was my decision to take up freelancing rather than a full-time job so that I could do what I loved.
There was no one else there. They might have been involved in the decision making process and give their opinions, but eventually the onus is on me. And I don’t regret it.
As I say in my book How to Live Happily Ever After, if you want to get things done your own way learn the art of convincing. And if you can’t, have the grace to accept defeat with your head held high.
Some decisions turned out good and some wrong. I am lucky that most of my decisions have gone right and I am grateful.
Going forward, I see myself taking more right decisions than wrong ones and I invite you all to accompany me in this journey. In no small measure have I been shaped by the way you and I have interacted, be it through emails, DMs, comments or social media posts.
I hope to grow my community further because I am wiser and have more valuable things to share.
To new enlightened beginnings…
