If you ask me what is that one memory I associate with rakshabandhan, it’s hunting for my brothers’ postal addresses!!
Yes, I know it is the politically incorrect thing to say. I must be able to recall some emotional, drama-filled story about a time when I was unable to tie or send Rakhi to my brother (sniff), but that’s just not there. I have my share of sob stories I might even write about later in this post but I would be playing on your emotions if I say that they are my one memory related to rakshabandhan.
But correct address or no correct address, I won’t be sending Rakhis this year. I guess Rakshabandhan is going to be the first casualty of the Covid-19 situation. At least for me. I see others sending Rakhis online but again, that’s just not me. And before you accuse me of being a cold blooded stone hearted sister, hear me out. Or rather, read me out.
Buying rakhis and sending them by post is out of question if I want to be safe. I went to the market last week to buy some essential items, and was shocked to see people behaving as if it was business as usual. Crowding, spitting and gossiping in groups. So now online ordering is the only option left for me. It will be safe for me, but what about those receiving it? Even if Amazon is delivering in their city, should I send? One of my brothers has a 6-month old baby, two have toddlers at home. The virus stays on cartons for 3-4 days. As the WHO guidelines say.
Which brings me to the philosophical questions. Because when things are out of our control, we tend to get philosophical! Why do I tie Rakhi on my brothers’ wrists? Do I really believe the tradition that I must do this so that my brothers will protect me when the time comes?
Gosh, what rubbish! As if in the 21st century I need someone to protect me, even if it is my own brother! The only protection I need is of the cyber kind and I know they are not going to be of much help there. Even if two of them are software engineers!! I am in for some bashing, but never mind;)
And then again, it’s not that I was sending Rakhis always. The first time I sent a rakhi by post was when my brother went for his engineering to Delhi. Till then it was just him and two of my brothers who stayed in the same city. Yes yes, I was blessed to grow up with lots of brothers and sisters and uncles and aunts around me despite staying in the city.
Since I was sending one rakhi, I thought why not send it to others as well. And there began my quest for the postal addresses I mentioned earlier. As time passed we all grew up and went our separate ways. Studying, taking jobs, getting married and moving cities, sometimes countries. And the quest for that postal address continued. I stopped sending to some of them too. But that never eroded my feelings for them, did it?. So why this emphasis on rakhi?
I think the point to ponder here is why do we have idols for worship. Or a place designated for prayers? When we know that God is everywhere, in every living and non-living thing. Because not all of us can have faith in something that we do not see. We humans are fickle-minded beings who need to experience something with our senses before we can believe it. Mere spiritual experience is not sufficient.
That is why we Indians have devised 1 crore Gods and Goddesses. There is a deity for rain, wind, sunshine, sowing, reaping, illnesses, and anything else you can think of. And we are not unique. Christians have their patron saints for anything you can think of. Even laundry. If you don’t believe me, go Google it.
The same is true about Rakshabandhan. We wanted to express our feelings for our siblings tangibly. Hence a day to celebrate brotherhood was designated. Similar to modern day the friendship day, mother’s day, father’s day, and even siblings day.
That our society is patriarchal is reflected here and so we have a day to celebrate brotherhood not just siblings, which would include sisters as well. I remember that since childhood I would fume why only the sisters should tie Rakhi on their brothers wrist. Do only brothers protect their sisters? Isn’t it the other way round too? Especially if the sister is the elder one?
Being the elder one is it not my responsibility to take care of my younger brothers? Whatever the society might want me to believe, I have always believed the elder one takes care of the younger one. Period.
And when we grow up, each is equally responsible for the other. The one who is more capable takes more responsibilities. It’s nothing to do with just age.
But the way we talk to the young kids about this brother-sister relationship is really sad. Letting them grow up with the thought that brothers are there to protect the sisters does double harm. The boys feel pressured and girls get complacent. And both interfere with normal development of the kids.
I hope I was able to undo some damage to my own daughters when I started the tradition of them tying rakhi to each other. Though they both report peers laughing at them because “girls don’t tie Rakhi to sisters” is what they have been taught (eyes rolling).
It all should be about what your feelings are, not how to show them off to the world. It should be just between the two people who are involved.
So initially when I decided against sending Rakhis, I felt bad about it. And uncomfortable. And disloyal. And guilty.
But I have come to terms with it. And at peace with myself. Because I know my love has not diminished. In fact it’s out of love that I am doing this.
Wishing all brothers and sisters out there a happy and safe Rakshabandhan. Enjoy your day and celebrate (in the safest way possible). Because that’s one thing this pandemic cannot take away.
