The Complete Family!!

The relationship of a parent with his child in the Indian Society is highly complex. The dynamics of such a relationship is difficult to comprehend and analyze. Difficult because the number of factors at play simultaneously is mind boggling. Today let’s start with a few of them.

Umbilical Cord That Has Not Been Severed

The Indian parents tend to take their children as extension of their own self.

How Can You Do Something Without My                              Approval

This is okay as long as they also accept the individuality of the child. But that is not so. The parents refuse to believe the child could be a separate entity with her own thoughts, ideas and perceptions.

And mind you, most of the parents continue doing so much after
their children have crossed adolescence and entered youth; an age where they are fully capable of taking their own decisions.

Indian parents are reluctant to release their children from their shadow even when they have reached their 20s or 30s.

High Expectation Level from Children

The Indian parenting style is such that parents sacrifice a lot of their time, money and emotions in bringing up their children. When I read “Battle Hymns of A Tiger Mother” by “Amy Chua” I had a sense of déjà vu. I can tell you, Indian style is not much different from the Chinese style of parenting described in the book. I speak both as a daughter as well as a mother.

The result of such involved parenting is that parents have very high expectations of their children when it comes to their achievements, behavior, and even their preferences and thought process. To a certain extent that might be allowed, considering their role, Unfortunately, most parents fail to understand it.

Joint Family Mindset Continues

The joint family system might have disintegrated in its true form but its influence on the Indian family has not. The so-called nuclear family still feels the pressure created by the extended family.

The uncles, aunts, and cousins continue to make their presence felt at the most inopportune moment. How many times has your father given the reference of your ever-so-successful cousin to motivate you?

The extended family might be out but certainly not down. They are great to have as support system but their negative effect cannot be ruled out. Especially if your parents are expert at using them effectively!!

Parents Feel Peer Pressure

Peer pressure is another important factor affecting the parent child relationship. Mind you, I am talking about peers of the parents not the child!! Kapoor sahab in the movie “3 Idiots“ is a reality in every Indian household, not just that of Farhan. At times parents are so obsessed with their neighbours and friends that they fail to take note of their own child’s capabilities.

Sibling Rivalry as a Tool

Sibling rivalry is used as a motivational tool                        by many parents

Sibling comparison is another tool (sic) used by most parents effectively. Parents do not think twice before saying “see if your brother/sister can do it why can’t you.” Such parents fail to appreciate the fact that every child is different, even those born of same parents, and hence their abilities different.

The confidence of a child takes continuous beating if she is continuously belittled in front of her brother/sister. It feels worse than one would feel on being compared to anyone. Many times the relationship between brothers and/or sisters is affected for life.

As a result of these and many more such factors, many children enter their youth battered, unsure of themselves and their abilities, fearful of taking life changing decisions. But interestingly, you would not find too many children bearing any grudge against their parents. And this obviously bodes well for the Great Indian Family.